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Plan the ultimate guys weekend and do it.

June 18, 2020

Vegas. What happens there, stays there. Except this particularly epic story.

The four of us were single, for the first time since we were kids. My brother, my two best friends in the world and I packed into my car headed from Oregon to Las Vegas. We were singing along to funny songs and talking about all the crazy stuff we were about to do in the middle of the desert. Less than two months prior to this trip, my heart had been absolutely pulverized by the news of my wife unexpectedly leaving me for another man. I was in a haze of depression and suicidal thoughts. The guys knew I needed it, they had been the ones watching me crying in a bathtub for the last two months. This was going to be the weekend I smiled again. This was going to be our epic man weekend.

First things first, Everclear (197 proof hard Alcohol) and Tequila.

The first night has fled my memory like a crazy dream after you wake up. You know it was wild, but you just can’t remember what happened. The second night however, Saturday night, well that is a story I will never ever forget.We were walking through a casino, fairly intoxicated, looking for a bar. We saw three beautiful girls sitting at a pop-up table near a club and they gestured us over. Well when a beautiful girl seeks your attention, you go without asking questions. They let us know how attractive we were, and that they all three worked at the hard rock hotel. It was all of their birthdays and they bought a penthouse sweet together.  We were invited to their private party that night at midnight…..Whaaaaaaat.  Every moment from then until midnight was filled with anticipation. Were they messing with us? Is this somehow a tourist trap?

Midnight came eventually, as it does every night. This midnight however we were riding a private elevator where we could hear the deep bass of the music getting louder and louder the closer we got to the top floor. Elevator doors open, music directs us to the right room although it’s fairly easy to see which one it is. Two massive security guards in maroon jackets, one hand over the other looking disgusted as four more drunk twenty something guys get off the elevator. One of them says with one hand outstretched “This is a private party, sorry guys”, my best friend drunkenly shouts “we know the three girls with the birthdays!”. Just as he said that, one of the girls pokes her head out of the door, accompanied by loud dance music saying “HEEEEEEYYYY!!! c’mere”.

The two massive red doors open to a feast for the eyes of a single man in his early twenties.

Bright flashing colorful lights surrounded 15 foot windows from the floor to ceiling with a view of the entire Vegas strip. Free booze, hot women, a private DJ and an 5 star luxury sweet. Being four broke guys, we saw free alcohol and went directly there to get some courage to talk to the girls who were way out of our league.

After getting into a dance competition, which I obviously won (Tequila) they brought out a huge cake about four feet long covered in candles. As the one hundred or so people began to sing/scream the “happy birthday” song, the three birthday girls climbed up on the couch so they could be elevated over the cake to blow out the candles.

One major problem, one of the girls was hammered drunk. When you put a hammered drunk girl on top of anything, she’s going to fall off. With the huge cake under the three girls, the happy birthday song comes to an end, they lean forward to blow out the candles and BAM! Face first into the cake she goes, the two guys who were holding it just back away slowly. “oh my god” comes from a few people, laughter from others.

The girl gets up, cake covering her whole upper body, collects herself and does the only appropriate thing. FOOD FIGHT! She shoves cake into the faces of the other birthday girls, turns around and starts throwing it everywhere! There was this beautiful suite at the Hard rock hotel, now covered in cake. The carpet, the furniture; all covered in smushed up vanilla frosted cake.

Everyone was dancing grinding it further into the carpets and as long as my name wasn’t on the credit card for that room I was great!

We drove home that same night (yes all the way to Oregon). Making a stop at a grocery store I decided to stumble out of the back seat I had previously been passed out in. I didn’t know why people in the store were staring at me. Maybe my hair was messed up I thought, until I itched behind my ear, pure cake! The whole left side of my head had cake all over it and my clothes were covered. I saw my reflection in a body mirror and just stood there thinking “that was an epic night!”.